Beliefs 3: Complex-Equivalence Beliefs

Beliefs 3: Complex-Equivalence Beliefs

Date: 7/26/2026

Copyright  2026.  All Rights Reserved to Shlomo Kory,  Jerusalem,  Israel.  

 

(NOTE:  It is recommended to read  "Beliefs 1: Stop Fooling Yourself!"   before reading this article. )

 

A)  What are Complex Equivalence Beliefs?

  "If A happens, it means B." is the standard pattern of Complex Equivalence Beliefs.  Sometimes people express it in a shorter form : "A equals B"  Notice the contrast between this pattern and the Cause-Effect Beliefs discussed in the previous article: "If A happens,  it causes B to result."

  • Cause-Effect Belief: "If I disagree with someone, it will damage the relationship." (A prediction about what will happen.)
  • Complex Equivalence Belief: "If someone disagrees with me, it means they don't respect me." (An interpretation of what something means.) 

As I said in the previous article,  many of the problems we create for ourselves can be traced to erroneous Cause-Effect Beliefs and Complex Equivalence Beliefs.  In my counseling practice, I have found that many—and perhaps most—of the problems people struggle with are connected to these two types of beliefs.   

Let's examine the belief above-- When someone disagrees with me,  one possible interpretation is that they don't respect me.  However, there are other possible interpretations.  For example:  Perhaps they truly care about me and want to correct an incorrect statement I said to prevent me from making a mistake. Or,  perhaps they simply see the issue differently.  Or,  perhaps they misunderstood what I meant.  The point here is that I should not treat my interpretation as the only possible one.   

 

Here are examples of Complex Equivalence Beliefs: 

"If I lose money on one investment, it means I'm not good with money."                                                                                  "If people don't laugh at my joke, it means they think I'm boring."                                                                                          "If I feel confident while doing a task, that means I am succeeding at it."                                                                                  "If someone criticizes me, it means they don't like me."                                                                                                        "If people were quiet during my presentation, it means they didn't like it"

 

Of course,  Complex Equivalence Beliefs can be true. 

For example:                                                                                                                                                                      

"If someone repeatedly lies to me, it means they are not trustworthy."                                                                                      "If someone consistently makes time for me despite a busy schedule, it usually means the relationship is important to them."
 "If an employee consistently meets deadlines and produces high-quality work, it means they are reliable."                                  "If I persist after setbacks, it means I have resilience."

                                                                                                                                                                                      

B) Mind Reading:  a Hidden Complex Equivalence Belief

There is another type of belief known  as Mind Reading.  For example,  suppose someone tells you  "My neighbor doesn't like me".  If you ask the person, "How do you know that he doesn't like you?" He might give a reason such as "He never smiles at me".  In other words ,  they are revealing an underlying Complex Equivalence:  "Since he never smiles at me,  that means he doesn't like me".  The person may not initially express this hidden interpretation, but by asking questions you uncover the underlying Complex Equivalence Belief.    

Sometimes , the person will answer  "I just know that he doesn't like me"  Here, too ,  this is really a Complex Equivalence because even though he is claiming that  he "just knows it",  obviously the neighbor must be doing something that led him to that conclusion.  The speaker may simply be unaware of the observations that led him to that conclusion.  

 

C) How to Identify,  Evaluate,  and Correct Erroneous Beliefs.  

 (NOTE-- for the convenience of the reader,  this section was copied from the Beliefs 1 article--and updated for Complex Equivalence Beliefs) 
 
The next step is to identify our beliefs and evaluate whether they are accurate, useful, or in need of revision.
 
Before one can begin correcting one's beliefs, one first needs to recognize that we are all capable of making mistakes. As "correct" as any particular belief may seem to me, I need to remain open to the possibility that it may be incorrect, only partially correct, or true only in certain situations,  etc.
 
Without this willingness to question our own beliefs, the methods for evaluating and changing them discussed in this and the  following articles will have little effect.
 
1.  Identifying an Erroneous Belief: 
One way to identify an erroneous belief is to take notice of some area of your life in which you are repeatedly experiencing problems or disappointment.  
Then ask yourself, "What belief am I holding that might be contributing to this problem?"
 
Because we are emotionally involved in our own lives, we often overlook our blind spots. It can therefore be very helpful to ask a trusted friend whether they notice anything we may be thinking or doing that could be contributing to the problem.
 
 
2. Correcting an Erroneous Complex Equivalence Belief:
 
As an example,  let's use the belief :
"If someone criticizes me, it means they don't like me." 
 
     A)  Look for Counter-Evidence: Notice times when reality contradicts the belief.
Ask yourself:  "Do you know people who are good friends who offer constructive criticism to each other--and even express appreciation for it?"
 
 
      B)  Challenge the Belief: Ask probing questions to loosen the absolute certainty of the belief: 
"How, specifically, does someone criticizing you mean that they don't like you?"
"What else could their act of criticizing you mean about what they think of you?"  
 The goal of Challenging the Connection is to become more open-minded and to reconsider the belief. 
[NOTE: If you are helping someone else with their belief, be careful not to argue with them!]

     C)  Formulate a more accurate and useful belief. 

One way to do this is to seek other people's perspectives: 
(See Ruach Chaim on Pirkei Avos,  Perek 2,  Mishna 7-- מרבה עצה מרבה תבונה)

First :  Ask other people for their perspectives on the issue at hand. This will help you see the issue in a new light.
For example:  "In your opinion,  when someone criticizes someone else,  what might they think of the person they are criticizing?"

Second:  Evaluate the various perspectives you have heard in light of your own life. What applies to your unique life situation and could benefit you--and what not?    Suggestion:     Don't rush this stage!   Changing a belief is a process. Take the time to carefully consider everything you have heard.

Third:  Formulate a new belief.  Select from the ideas you heard and combine them into a new belief that fits your life circumstances.  (Because what works for one person may not work for another person.  You want a belief that works for you personally).    
  

An example of a new belief:  "Some people criticize me because they don't like me or want to hurt me. Others criticize me because they care about me and want to help me avoid mistakes or reach my potential. Rather than assuming one motive, I can  consider their advice, then decide what to apply, and how to apply it to my unique life circumstances".
 
By learning to unpack our automatic interpretations, we regain choice over how we respond to the world around us. 
In the next article, we will explore another type of belief that may be limiting us without our realizing it...