Building Relationships

When things aren't going as you would like....

Building Relationships

Date: 9/22/2024

(Please note that this article is not finished yet! )

This article is based on the first chapter of the Sefer Tomer Devorah By Rav Moshe Cordevero. It is not a translation, but rather uses the ideas he presents. we are going to use the 13 Midos (character traits) and behaviors he presents as a basis for building better relationships with anyone.

The first two traits are the character trait of Tolerance. The first thing I have to understand is that in any relationship, there are going to be things that bother me. I have to cultivate the trait of tolerance in order to get along with people. If I cannot tolerate things people do, it is going to be very challenging to get along with other people!

The third Midah is "fixing" or "correcting" people. In other words, I don't only tolerate people; I can help them correct themselves. This is particularly important when it comes to my relationship with them. I can assist them to correct behaviors towards me that bother me and thereby improve our relationship.

It is important to realize that I am not going to be able to correct everything that bothers me! I always need the trait of Tolerance. Perhaps we could say that since A) tolerance is the first trait mentioned and B) there are two Middot of tolerance and only one of Correcting, I need much more Tolerance than Correcting in my relationships!

The basic idea here is that these two Middot of Tolerance and Correcting work together.