Handling Rejection

Date: 6/6/2006

Another reason many people do not succeed in achieving their goals is because of one little word.

That word is "no".

For most of us, hearing someone tell us "no" is, at best, unpleasant. However,  "no" can also produce feelings of anxiety which can prevent us from following through. This is because  "no" means that we are being rejected. Let's explore this phenomenon and discuss how we can overcome it. 

Fear of rejection is usually based on a belief. Take a moment now to ask yourself what does it mean to you when someone rejects you. Complete this sentence: "When someone rejects me that means _____________".

If you are afraid of being rejected you probably filled in the blank with a negative statement such as "...that means that I am a failure."

There are ways of transforming this fear into a more resourceful stimulus. Here are three ways to do this. First, be aware that successful people did not just happen to meet the right person or walk into the right office on the first try. They probably went through loads of rejections.

Second, learn from those rejections. You can do this in different ways. You can ask yourself "how could I have done this differently?" Also, try this: record yourself in action, listen to how you sound, and then make whatever adjustments you think would help. Another way is to ask friends for their honest opinion if they see something that you are doing wrong. Last but not least is to seek the advice of experts; sometimes it can be very worthwhile to pay their fee.

Third, in contrast to the belief at the beginning of this article, is to develop a more resourceful belief about the word "no". Here is a worthwhile exercise. Take a moment to ask yourself what resouceful belief can "no" have. Complete this sentence: "'No' means___________". When you have a resourceful belief you are satisfied with, remind yourself of it during the day and especially before you enter into a situation where you might be rejected.

Here are some examples of resourceful beliefs:

--- "'No' means that I wasn't presenting myself the right way and I will change my approach by doing_______." (Note the use of the past tense for the negative part of this sentence and the future tense for the action part of it.)

---"'No' means that I haven't gotten to the right person or situation yet and that means that I have to keep trying until I do." Note: With a belief such as this one it might be worthwhile to seek counsel as we mentioned earlier to make sure that you are putting your efforts in the right places.

Based partly on "Unlimited Power" by Anthony Robbins pages 375-377.

Please send me any stories you have relating to this article.