Getting Unstuck in Life

Date: 5/14/2024

Here are reasons why people get stuck in life and how to deal with them...
© Copyright 2024 to Shlomo Kory. All rights reserved
The first three steps have to do with knowing what the problem is and creating a goal:  
1) Denying that I have a problem that needs to be dealt with...   This is a reason many people will not go for counseling.  However, if they have already decided to go for counseling, they are admitting that there is a problem.  Typically what happens is that they may distract themselves from the real problem by expressing a different problem that is less painful for them.   Or, they will express a part of the real problem but not the entire problem.  
2) Not having a clear goal or direction in life...  After understanding what the issue or problem is , we need to establish and clarify what changes  they want to make in life .   How, specifically,  do they  want my life to be different?  Sometimes people are not in touch with themselves and don't really know what they want.   
3) That my stated goals are not my real goals but rather result from the norms, expectations, values, and beliefs of people around me...  They have to make sure that they are not deceiving themselves.   What do they really want -- and why do they want it? 

The next two steps have to do with creating a plan to achieve the goal:    
4)  A lack of awareness of what steps to take to achieve my objectives...   The next step is to figure out how will they achieve their objectives.   Included in this is to formulate a clear way of knowing that they are,  in fact,  doing those steps.  In NLP this is known as an "Evidence Procedure".  In other words,  what evidence is there that they  are proceeding on the path to achieving their objectives?  
5) False beliefs about how the world works...  In choosing the steps of how to achieve a goal,  they need to make sure those steps will work in their  unique situation. Often people are not consciously aware of these false beliefs.    Here is an example.   A person told me that the people in his neighborhood have not  befriended  him.  We uncovered a  false belief he had: "Simply because I live in the neighborhood the neighbors will automatically be my friends".  However,  true friendships are not formed merely on the basis of living in proximity with each other.   Developing real friendships is a process that takes time and effort.  
These last  5 steps have to do with putting in effort to achieve goals:  
 6) An erroneous belief that I am not capable of making the desired changes...  Sometimes people fool themselves that they can't do something when in reality they can.   Other times people are not aware that they can learn how to make the desired changes even if they are currently unable to make the changes.    

7) A fear of changing, failing, or succeeding... Some fears are real and some are imagined.  If it is real then we have to create a plan how to deal with the source of the fear.  If it is imagined we have to expose it and come to the realization that there is nothing to worry about.  
 8) A feeling of hopelessness that there is no solution to my problem... Here we have to figure out what exactly triggered the feelings of hopelessness--and then deal with it.   Also,  sometimes people distort things: Perhaps they are not aware of the talents, strengths, experiences they have to deal effectively with the issue. 
9) An inner conflict that blocks me from moving forward... Often the person is unaware of the conflict.  We have to uncover it and then figure out how to deal with the two conflicting goals so neither side of the conflict ruins the other side. An example of this would be people who want to spend more time and energy on their  business,  or their studies,  but don't want their loved ones to lose out from this.  
10) Loss of motivation...  There are many reasons why a person can be motivated to change and then lose the motivation.  One common reason is that the current problem situation causes them to have a painful , negative feeling which they want to eliminate. This is the source of their motivation to change.   As the problem is on the way to becoming solved,  the bad feeling lessens.  As a result,  the motivation that resulted from the bad feeling also lessens and they lose their motivation to continue working on the problem. Understanding this phenomenon and creating positive motivation --usually in the form of a goal to achieve-- can help the person stay motivated.